Redskins to the Playoffs!!!!!!! (The "D" is silent)

Somewhere on a cold night at the end of December, Jessica Simpson is laughing. Somewhere Jessica Simpson just finished watching the Cowboys play the Redskins- in a game that determined the NFC East champion- and enjoyed herself. Jessica Simpson is not a Redskins fan (probably) but I think we can be fairly sure that she roots against Tony Romo. If we believe what the tabloids say (and why would we) Romo told Simpson they were never, ever getting back together the day before her 29th birthday.

That was three years ago, but Romo's bad Karma carried over into Landover, MD on the eve of the eve of the New Year. The witchcraft of America's former sweetheart, Simpson, crippled Romo last night as he threw three interceptions. Alfred Morris, the Redskins single-season rushing record-holder, scored thrice and the Redskins won 28-18. D.C., as many a twitter with excitement pointed out, D.C. now stands for Division Champs.

Full disclosure: I haven't seen Django Unchained yet. I want to, like, really badly. I enjoy Quentin Tarantino films and I LOVE Rick Ross:

I saw The Hobbit instead, which is not exactly a terrible movie, just one I had little to not desire to watch. It was no Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (I'm still waiting for my money back), but it wasn't even remotely The Two Towers good. One of my New Years resolutions is to make better movie choices.

As I am writing this I am listening to Django's quasi-theme song, "100 Black Coffins," and it's pumping me up for two reasons: (1) I decided to shell out the $15 necessary to watch Django in theaters later today(!) and (2) the Redskins made the playoffs for the first time five years.

I had planned on writing a game recap, full of armchair analysis and dry, jargon-y language, but then I listened to the Rick Ross song for the 188th time (still fantastic) and took my talents in another direction.

This Rick Ross song is a power anthem. You could triple the length of your run if you blasted this into your ear drums on repeat; you could play this at a house party and start a riot; or you could pay someone lots of money to follow you around to blast this song as your own personal theme music. Either of these would be fine.

I have chosen a different use for the song, however. "100 Black Coffins" will forever remind me of last nights game, just as I have forever associated Avici's "Levels" with fraternity parties. And because that is the case I decided it would be apropos to relive this game through Rick Ross's lyrics.

Great idea or greatest idea?

(Lyrics courtesy of RapGenius):

"I need a hundred black coffins for a hundred bad men
a hundred black graves so I can lay they a-- in
I need a hundred black preachers, with a black sermon to tell
From a hundred black Bibles, while we send them all to Hell"
-This was Alfred Morris' mantra last night while he rushed for 200 yards and scored three touchdowns. He was player of the game and even made a late push for Rookie of the Year consideration. It was because of him, and not RG3, that the Redskins are moving on and the Cowboys are going home. One-by-one he dug the graves that the members of the Cowboys organization will lay in come Monday afternoon (hopefully).

There's Jerry Jones, the most hands-on owner in sports. After Jones commissioned the new Cowboy's Stadium, Stuart Scott quoted a source as saying that the new stadium was "Jerry Jones' personal middle finger to the recession." His ego barely fits in the Dallas metro-area, let alone Cowboys Stadium, and his steadfast refusal to hire a GM (and instead assemble a roster himself) has resulted in ONE playoff win since 1995. The Cowboys will never win again as long as he owns the team. Just as the Rebels destroyed the Death Star at the end of Star Wars, so to must the Cowboys free themselves from the shackles of the Jerry Jones Federation.

There's Sgt. Nicholas Brody Head Coach Jason Garrett. Most of his problems undoubtably come from issues with Jones, but he takes on much of the criticism. Dallas has talent on it's roster, and it is the role of the Head Coach to maximize it and churn out the wins. An 8-8 season in Dallas doesn't cut it especially when they consider themselves contenders every year. He likely will survive to 2013, but a bad start to next season could find him a few spots behind me on the unemployment line.

Then there's Tony Romo. He is 1-6 in "win or go home" games over the course of his career. He threw three picks last night (admittedly because of Jessica Simpson's witch-like ability to force turnovers) and has cemented his reputation as the NFL's least "clutch" player. Statistically he is in the discussion for greatest Cowboy quarterback or all-time, but then you remember he has only won one career playoff game. The rookie quarterback who wins in next weeks Redskins-Seahawks game will tie Romo's record. Congratulations in advance.

The Cowboys under Jones has never been afraid to shake up their roster or make drastic, sometimes rash decisions with personnel. Like the Yankees and Lakers, the Cowboys are always supposed to win and when they don't heads roll. Or, as Jerry Jones might say, there's "a hundred black coffins where I can lay your a-- in."

"Killers coming for you life, all you wanna do is shine?
I broke off the chains only the realest remain
I see your praying to Jesus, but will that help ease the pain?
-RG3. He runs a lot and takes a beating. Last night DeMarcus Ware was coming for RG3's life, but he never touched the guy. Those read option plays the Redskins run from the pistol nullified any impact the linebacker would have on the game. All RG3 wanna do is shine, okay?

Last week Mike Shannahan tightened the grip on his quarterback- he rushed only twice- and ran a more standard pro-style of offense. Yesterday, however, RG3 was more active in the run game and broke off some long runs. More significant than the yards he picked up, in the big picture, was the threat of him running. Like I said before, that read option offense-when done correctly- is tough for a defense to stop. Do RG3 or Morris have the ball? Is it even a run? The defense is left to make split second decisions on who to mark and if they are wrong, like the Cowboys last night, the Redskins can make them pay (274 yards rushing).

Even better for 'Skins fans is how much healthier RG3 looked this week compared to last. He was probably 75% on that hurt knee and was able to get to the outside on some of his rushing attempts last night. He wasn't to keen on taking contact, which is going to be better for his health and safety in the long-term, but he still remained effective. If he continues to heal at this same rate he may be close to 100% by Sunday. The Seahawks have one of the League's top defenses so the Redskins need as healthy an RG3 as they can get.

"Is you a cat or a mouse? Keep them rats out the house"
-This is the part of the post where I shout-out DeAngelo Hall. He played well last night for a guy who only learned to tackle earlier this season. He kept Dez Bryant, who had been ON FIRE in previous weeks, out of the endzone for the first time since Week 9.

"Our revenge is the sweetest, b---- cause I'm coming"
-This is the NFL's best rivalry game that doesn't involve a Manning or a Brady (I don't know any other Brady's but I like the way this sentence sounds). The Cowboys lead the all-time series versus the Redskins 62-42-2 and are 17-9 since 2001. The momentum in this series is poised to shift in the Redskins favor in the coming years as it appears the Romo-led Cowboys are on their last legs while the RG3 'Skins are the League's next big thing. Knowing this feels so good.

I just listened to the song again. I can't tell if I am more excited for the Seahawks or the movie. I'll let you know.

Happy New Years, kids! See you in 2013.

Redskins-Cowboys Preview

I thought about writing a Redskins-Eagles recap. It wouldn't have been in good taste so I decided to shelve it. The pen is mightier than the sword, you know? I was going to compare the Eagles Offensive Line to the Convicts' in "The Longest Yard" (You Tube doesn't have the clip, but it's the part near the end when Adam Sandler's teammates realize that he is throwing the game and refuse to block for him), but I felt like too many people were already going to criticize the Eagles and I didn't want to be one of those people. I want to take the high road. I feel kind of bad for them. The Eagles are that team- and there is one every season- whose players quit on its coach before ultimately quitting on each other. Bets going into the season would have picked the players on the Kansas City Chiefs to quit on Romeo Crennel, the Eagles players have stepped their game up (or down) to a whole new level. I think when your fans make a video like this, it really speaks to how much of a dissent there is against Andy Reid in Philadelphia.

So, yeah, the Redskins dominated a rookie Quarterback last week and won handedly. Whatever. The Redskins play the Dallas Cowboys on Thursday. That's really the only game that matters.

Dallas is 5-5 on the season, and in the midst of the NFC playoff race. A win for the Redskins would be sweet because not only would it hurt the Cowboys chances of making the Playoffs, it would significantly bolster the Redskins'. As it stands right now the 'Skins are two games out of the division lead and the New York Giants are reeling. They had lost two games in a row before a much needed bye week last week, and now they must deal with the (red hot) Green Bay Packers on Sunday Night Football. Tom Coughlin is 13-21 in November and Eli Manning has zero touchdown passes and four interceptions in his last three games so the Giants lead in the division may not be as strong as many think. If the Redskins win this game, and then next week against the Giants on Monday Night Football, it puts them in a very favorable position in the division. Will it happen? Well, they definitely need to beat the Cowboys first.

The Redskins just snapped their three game losing streak by taking the Eagles behind a woodshed and beating them to the tune of 31-6, while the Cowboys backed into a win against the Cleveland Browns in an overtime game that they almost certainly should have lost. So though one may consider the Cowboys "hot," they are only hot inasmuch as winning two in a row against Eagles and Browns makes one hot, which is to say that the Cowboys aren't very hot. The Cowboys record against Playoff teams this year is 1-5, with their only win coming in the first game of the season against the Giants. Otherwise they have beaten three of the five worst teams (Panthers, Eagles, Browns) and squeaked one out against a pre-Muscle Hamster Buccaneers. There is something to be said about beating the teams you are supposed to beat, but at some point in order to prove they are a Playoff team they will need to actually beat a Playoff team.

Playing Thursday games presents a series of challenges to NFL teams. For one, it's a short week and teams do not have a lot of time to prepare for each other. But if this is a disadvantage for one, it's also a disadvantage for the other. More significant are the impacts on player safety and injuries that these short weeks have on the players. They are fatigued, and when they are fatigued they play sloppy; when they play sloppy their technique suffers; when their technique suffers players get hurt. Thursday afternoon Thanksgiving games have been a tradition for many years now, and the players really enjoy them (Darren Woodson said as much this morning on Sportscenter), but Thursday night games every week... NFL games are brutal contests where our country's strongest and most athletic men literally clobber each other for money. Shortening the time in-between games makes injuries that much more likely and, to some extent, expected.

Injuries will always be a factor in NFL games, but on Thursdays these issues tend to compound and result in lack luster games that become battles of attrition. This short week will likely affect the Redskins more than the Cowboys because of pre-existing injury issues. Brandon Meriweather, who had missed the first nine games of the season with a left knee injury, hurt his right knee in the third quarter of the Eagles game. He is likely to play on Thursday but may not be 100%. London Fletcher is more of an issue with his ankle injury and is a game time decision (courtesy of the Washington Post). If these two don't play the Redskins have little chance of stopping the Cowboys offense. Or, I should say, have less of a chance.

The Cowboys rank 7th in the NFL in passing yards per game, while the Redskins give up the 4th most passing yards. If Meriweather doesn't play it could be a long day for the 'Skins secondary, especially if Dez Bryant shows up. Dez Bryant has been a beast for most of the season (57 rec, 735 yards, 4 TD's) but has steppe it up of late, averaging 89 yards over the past four contests and scoring 2 TD's. The Cowboys are going to throw the ball a ton this game, and if DeAngelo Hall plays the way he usually plays (poorly), combined with the rest of this weak secondary the Redskins simply aren't going to win.

The key to this game for either team is going to be turnovers. Tony Romo has thrown 13 interceptions on the season, the third worst in the NFL (only the Chiefs and Philip Rivers have thrown more), and the Cowboys as a team have a -9 turnover differential. The Redskins on the other hand have a differential of +10, one of the best in the NFL. This is due in large part to RG3 taking care of the ball uncharacteristically well for a rookie, having only thrown 3 interceptions on the season.

For the Redskins the game comes down to two things: first, can they pressure Tony Romo? If they can they will hurry his throws and force him into mistakes (remember, the only thing worse than a hurried Tony Romo is a Playoff Tony Romo). And second, Robert Griffin III needs to manage the game effectively. Last week against the Eagles RG3 posted a perfect Passer Rating of 153.8, just the second rookie ever to do so. He threw for 200 yards and 4 touchdowns, and added 84 yards on the ground. If he can come close to duplicating either of these statistics, the 'Skins can cut down and force a few turnovers, and the 'Skins can cut down on their penalty woes (13 for 80 yards), they stand a decent chance of beating the Cowboys and keeping their slim Playoff aspirations alive.

If I was being forced into picking a team I would pick the Cowboys. That being said, I feel pretty strongly about a Redskins upset. Feel free to put all your money on Red.

Hail.